Que Sera Sera

 

When I was just a little girl………

 

I asked my mother,  what shall I be?

Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?

Here’s what she said to me:

“You’ve got to be kidding,  life is really hard.  You will work all the hours you can,  maybe make enough money to pay the mortgage but don’t expect time and money to keep yourself beautiful, that will never happen.

Then when you have kids,  well your life is over.  It’s horrendous,  you’ll never get any sleep.  They cost so much……”

 

Imagine if ‘here’s what she said to me’ was actually more like this:

“Darling you can be do or have whatever you want.  You just need to get into the right mindset and you can do it!  Be lovely to everyone,  even if they are mean to you.  Keep smiling, keep in your vortex and all will be fantastic!”

 

Doris Day sure had a lovely song there.  I wish we would all just teach our children to relax and know that all will always be ok,  no matter what.  Instead they get amazing amounts of stress and pressure put on them.  Well,  in fact,  we will all always be ok.

 

Watch this Abraham Hicks video here: 

I’m going to be totally honest here!

This takes guts and bravery to tell you this…..

 

I’m actually ever so slightly stuck between a rock and a hard place right now.  You see,  my life has transformed like crazily and I love that I can share this with others for them to be able to learn what I have learnt too.  I love blogging and Vlogging (don’t autocorrect that please!) and I’m so keen to make this life online my entire life.  I vlog all the time but didn’t post it yet. 

 

Fear of ridicule.

 

I hear my authors suffer from this and it stops them from opening up.  I have come from a place where I thought life was meant to be tough and tricky.  Never in a million years did I feel I would go ahead and be able to write for a living.  Oh gosh,  course not.  That’s not work is it!

 

?????????????????????

Is it??????????????????

Could it be????????????

 

Well, yes it could couldn’t it! Of course it could.  Why not?  Others do it!  Why do I have a blocked limiting belief around this one.  So much so that I actually don’t write as much as I feel I should/could/ought to.

Write, dammit, just write.  See what happens.

 

Today I have written myself a timetable of work.  This carefully shows the times and places I write and the times and places I do the day job to earn the cash.  I guess its a bit like budgeting with money…. make a plan and stick to it and the world is your oyster.

 

My gorgeous fiance has agreed that we can publish our story.  Now you see for me,  this would involve us making vlogs for Youtube and stuff too.  Although I’ve a feeling there already is an audience there for us.  

My day job involves me being a businesswoman.  Now I’m blonde…..and being totally gooey and in love and thinking the world of my family just makes me look like a hippy not a business woman.

 

I’d rather be a hippy! Of course I would.

 

Hmm……. why do I stumble?  Purely because of making money.  Also judgement.  I don’t want others to judge me either.  

 

I wanna let you guys in..  Well,  you guys are…..

 

Anyway,  can you do me a favour?  Can you come over to my twitter and my facebook and let’s be friends.  Can we? 

 

Twitter for Lola

Facebook for Lola

 

 

 

Looking for fellow bloggers – excite me please!

Afternoon all

 

Wow what a nice day I’m having.  You know one of those days where it seems everyone loves you and gives you a feeling of gratitude as you exchange smiles?  Oh amazing!

 

Ok so here’s the thing.  I’m hoping to get this profile of mine a bit busier but I also really love reading other people’s blogs.  Here’s what I love

 

*Photos

*Life stories

*positivity

*Motivation

 

Let’s connect?|

 

I’d love to know more about you guys. x

Broken Hearted watching ‘The Voice’

Having fought for them…

Hang on,  having dreamed of holding them….?

Having a heart full of love for my unborn babies for so many years – thank god a miracle came – I am so totally consumed with love.

Approaching the time that I thought would escape us,  we are in the teenage years.  My IVF twins are growing up.

So independent,  I was determined beyond all inconceivabilities that I would be the coolest,  most hip,  engaging mum of teenagers.  Everyone would want to come to our house and ‘hang out’.  My meals would be the best.  All the kids would want to eat here.

I mean,  being the local taxi service for my kiddies,  we listen to Kiss FM and other cool stuff.  I’ve a cool car.  And I drive cool.

Should the teenagers have problems with homework,  they would all gather around my massive glass dining room table with books scattered between them to figure everything out.  I’d bring snacks carefully arranged to look like they weren’t carefully arranged and fight to find somewhere to place them between the books.  Expecting half a glance upwards with a quick, ‘thanks’ would allow me to do a quick half turn on the balls of my feet with a swish of the hair and a casual, “You’re welcome.”

This house is halfway there.  Yes, there are always kids here.  Always.  My phone beeps often with:

“Can Chloe sleep tonight?”

“Can I sleep at Chloe’s tonight?’

“Can you give us a lift to the cinema tonight?”

“I would go to the cinema but I don’t have any money.”

“mum, did I wash your car last week for that £10 I had last saturday or do i still owe you?”

Expecting these days to come,  I taught myself to be thankful.  Thankful that I didn’t actually have the heart attack I was so scared I’d have when they were one year olds.  Thankful that they are now independent; normal.  I’m glad to live to see this happen.  Although knowing they love me is one thing.  Feeling it when I’m quite clearly a taxi service and piggy bank is quite something else.

I’d been so excited about taking this weekend off.  We would go on an unprepared road trip.  No map.

“But won’t we get lost mum?”

My daughter asked,  concerned.

“Well if we do,  we put our postcode in our iPhone and come home again.”

She relaxed.

Instead,  she didn’t come home until I collected her at 7.15pm this evening from last nights sleepover.  As for her twin brother,  he had his friend here all day who is a totally well bred lad who always says thank you.  He was bored.  I offered to take him multiple places,  all of which would be, ‘boring after 5 minutes.’

Even with his friend?

oh.

ok.

Beginning to feel slightly sensitive by this time,  some total bitch wrote something nasty on Facebook.  Why the heck do people do that stuff?  Don’t even understand that.  Envy?  For my perfect life?  Thank you.  I worked hard for this and I’m going to allow you your envy while I still know there is enough good around for everyone.

Anyway, forget her,  she’s just a bitch and I instantly corrected my settings to not see her in my news feed anymore.  Fab.  Sod off.

I cried.

My nose got blocked to the degree I couldn’t blow it and then… in walked my son.

“What’s up mum?” He was genuinely concerned.

“Nothing just someone on Facebook.”

“Oh ok,  well we are going to the park.”

5 minutes later he text me.

‘Sorry I’m always with my friends.’

Ah crap,  now he’s picking up on my ‘lonely’ energy status.  Don’t want that.  Pick yourself up girl.  Clean the house.  Turn the music up loads. Clean the house.

Move the furniture.  Slip,  cut your hand,  cry some more.

“Bugger!!!!”

For God’s sake why am I feeling so low about seeing my children grow up?  I mean,  who else feels like this?  Most Mums can’t wait for the school holidays to be over with.  That’s never been me.  I’m always at my best when I’m spending time with them.  They are my life.  They make my heart swell.

When everyone has gone and it’s just us,  they love nothing better than snuggling up to me and watching tv with snacks.  Paradise.

Love.

A mum.

I’m a mum.  That means everything.

So tonight the boys are sleeping at the other house and I have the girls.  Great.  Maybe we can watch some TV together and eat.

I finally felt the meaning of there’s an elephant in the room.

So,  here I sit,  in my bed. Dog at my feet.

My truly amazing Las Vegas style bed.  You know those ones which are pretty new out?  Push a button right at the side of the bed and with just that one flick of your index finger out comes at TV slowly ascending from the foot of the bed.  A flatscreen,  I think about 19″ and granted we only have the freeview box plugged in but nevertheless,  it’s TV.

Watching ‘The Voice’.

The Voice.  Yes I remembered recently I forgot to keep singing.  Quite happy to sit here watching The Voice,  my laptop was calling me to write.  As most authors do,  I was watching,  observing and mentally writing these words.

Cleo took to the stage.  “I remember her from the 80’s.” I thought to myself with a question mark over the top of my head.  Then they ran a VT confirming the 80’s video.  Yeah,  thought so.  Wow she was more than awesome.  Singing Michael Jackson.  Blasting it.  Even Cleo herself admitted,  “Who can sing Michael Jackson?”  She did.

Danny sat like a sponge,  soaking up the notes and hearing the vibration of passion within the voices,  seeing the performances with desperate eyes,  searching for the next note, willing it out with speed.  His head nods slowly,  the dancer in me notices he’s ever so slightly off beat.  Of course this doesn’t mean he can’t hold a beat.  He’s a well respected musician.  Of course he knows the beats.  Yet,  lost in the music,  the rocking notion was almost like a self soothing type of thing.

Tom Jones was edited nicely to look like he was wiping away a tear.  Obviously not.

Way too cool for that.  Oozing sophistication. Hash tag respect.

Now,  me watching Jesse J (beautiful Jessie J) I love her frowning face as she falls in love with each sound made by the talented voices.  Just as you think, “They will never hit that high note..”  Jesse frowns a little harder – no botox on her procerus muscle – and wills the artist to, in fact, not only hit the note but smash it with ease.  What a talent considering the nerves too.  If only I could sing like that.  Never mind,  singing still makes my blood pump faster and feeds my spirit who, incidentally is a bit of a party animal.

Jesse and Will.i.am give a sideways glance at each other and wordlessly know that the other is each thinking, “Wow.”

A silent Wow.

The corner of the eye can be a funny thing too… Just as Danny leans forward to look over to Jesse for one of those silent ‘Wow’s I’m sensing she just felt him.  Nodding in agreement without her eyes leaving the performer for a split second.

Me,  sitting here,  just watching the telly.  Can I ever ‘just watch the telly’ again without writing scenes in my head.

The author in me.  Can I write Author with a capital?  Feels right that way.  Life experiences always coming into my creative head and wanting to share.  Not sure to whom just yet.  It’s a very recent announcement that I am indeed an Author and I’ve decided people  will accept me that way.

‘Opening up’ as they call it in the coaching world.  ‘Letting it in.’  It’s brought me to this amazing place where I sit and write.  I hope it touches someone and they too can relate to my words.  They are just words.  From my heart to yours.

Meanwhile I listen to my beautiful daughter giggle downstairs with her friend who is on a slumber party night with her.  She’s happy.  My heart is mended.

My job here is done.

For today.

I’d forgotten to keep singing

 

This blog…..

 

Quite honestly,  I feel moved to tears.  Something has gone on and I really hope you ‘get it’.

Have you ever been on a spiritual journey? A path?  An awakening?  A shift?

 

I’ve known for 3 years now that my life has taken new pathways leading to different directions causing a myriad of feelings and emotions along the way.  Funny thing is,  sometimes you can try too hard.  This in turn makes you want something so badly that you wouldn’t be one bit shocked to see it manifest.

Now,  when you forget about this stuff and then it takes its own pathway, basically that is asking for a big shock to come your way.  For me personally,  this has happened like a big hammer over my head lately.

 

Since I was a child I’ve written.  My life is writing.  I love it!

 

Problem approaching:  I’ve a big time limiting belief which comes from hard working parents.  In my own headspace,  I created the illusion that people like us needed to work silly hours each day,  likely on a minimum wage and hope and prey with fingers crossed that we might pay the mortgage.

This educated me somewhere into the land of workaholic-ism.  

Two good things about this:

1.  I’ve learnt so much on the path that I’ve now got some awesome stories to write and 

2.  Doing what I’m kinda not meant to be doing has shown me how great it is when I do do what I should be doing…..phew…keeping up?

 

Look back at the blog title.  I’d forgotten to keep singing.

 

I used to sing.

Constantly.

Anywhere,  anyhow.  

Don’t get me wrong,  there’s no X Factor finalist in me here.  Holding a note is somewhat easy if I stop trying too hard.  Singing and dancing is like a legal and safe drug to me.  Though recently I noticed I’d stopped doing both.

In actual fact,  I’d stopped doing pretty much everything.  What was fuelling my flame right now?  Pretty much nothing….I was coasting…. that was it.

No wonder I was feeling pretty low.  So ok,  what flipped that realisation for me?  I was watching Pitch Perfect with my perfect daughter…..if you haven’t seen a feel good movie lately,  I’d highly recommend this.

Through the power of song,  they told so many stories throughout the film and every note being hit with ease and power (unless it was designed not to) filled up my goo-ss-ee-bumps with goosebumps.

The finale told a real story that you may or may not have caught onto at the beginning of the film which involved a song (no spoilers coming, promise) which struck gold.  Within the emotions of the actors and the flow of passionate energy during the performance of both dance and song I felt tears.  Proper tears.  This was me.  I was always on stage.  Always performing somehow,  somewhere,  not fantastically but filling my veins with spark and passion and life.

Writing this now with emotion, I feel the tears.

 

I’d forgotten to keep singing.  

 

Why?

 

People,  some people.  There have been times when,  hypothetically speaking, people have said, “Stop singing.”

 

That’s hurt me to the core.

So I stopped.

 

What now?  What happened is pretty much what happens to a wilted flower.  I’ve been worrying about things like

Not being liked

Paying the bills

Keeping my business afloat

Ensuring I’m a good enough mum

Looking for perfection in those around me

 

All the time feeling disappointed.  Why was I worrying about all that stuff?  I never used to.  I was happy and spirited.  Without any money or flash things.

Why was I happy?

 

Because I sang………….

 

Affirmation:

I sing with joy and pleasure to fill me up with life.

 

What fills your veins with passion and life?

 

Do your ‘thing’ then all the other stuff comes easier.  With me realising I need to sing again  (and singing at every opportunity right now) there has been a flow of ease into my life leading me onto my dreams coming true.

Amazing night out in Sharm El Sheikh

Nights out in Sharm = Crying and girls from Essex

 

Walking from our special beach where baby and I can sit together, I sunk my toes into the sand. Crossing from our special beach over the border to the beach of the resort where he works. Walking alone was fine, you see not only is he not allowed onto the grounds while he’s not working but he would get fired for crossing the line.

At the beach bar, Ahmed greeted me with a smile as I passed. We always hi 5 casually. Funny really, I’m so comfortable speaking Arabic to “the boys”. Knowing them well enough that they would appreciate my efforts while also not feeling coy in front of my boo. So we greeted with “hello how are you? Thank god I’m really good and lovely thanks. All good. Thank god” seems to be the closest translation.  Tourists sitting at Ahmeds bar look on in amusement! Funny really. Makes me feel so clever.

“So it’s your last night tonight?” He asked.
“Not really, it’s my last night out, we are staying home on my last night.”
“Ohh everyone is coming out tonight as we thought it was your last night.”

My insides did a little leap and a “woop woop”. Though as baby hadnt mentioned that I was guessing maybe I wasn’t meant to know.
Everyone was coming out. Great night in store for me!

Thinking I would wear the faithful dress that always makes me feel nice (I’d hated nearly all the photos so far, I was looking fat standing next to Mr gorgeous), I asked baby, “what shall I wear?”

Now not many men would notice what you wear from one day to the next.
“What about that little black one you wore once before?”
Hmm ok I was happy with that choice. Even happier that here was a fella who knew what he liked.

Sharing a couple of quiet drinks in our place was nice before we went out. Afraid of getting emotional, I didn’t want to drink too much. Yet needed loosening up!
Heading to McDonalds was a great idea. I was starvin’. Also, there was a chance to flash a friendly smile to the skinny little fella who works there. We made friends with him one night. Well, I made friends and baby was happy with that. Brilliant progress!
A few nights before that, baby left me outside while he went in to buy food. I was too nervous about that. So I made friends with the skinny bloke. Bless him it was clearly his job to walk around sweeping up the floor. He did that thing people do instead of using verbal language. He smiled broadly and nodded his head like a gestured hello. To which I replied,
“Salam Ali com. Enta amilie?”
And we exchanged my best Arabic.

Guessing his English was limited i whispered to baby as he sat back down, “speak nicely to the man, be nice, he has a crappy job.”  I was being rudely honest due to alcohol consumption. So off they went in proper Arabic, leaving me smiling broadly and head nodding!
Each night we returned I wanted the skinny guy to feel he had made a friend in me and baby. Although on the last night out, it was inappropriate to tell him I was leaving. We weren’t great friends like that.

After eating we ventured into our favourite bar with just one friend there. They were all working as we were early. I expect looking at their watches hoping to finish soon.
This friend was known as skinny Mohamed. We’d previously had a joke about squeezing his skinny cheeks with pinched fingers. As he returned the pinch to my hamster cheeks it provided much laughter. After a sherbet drink, I was ready for more cheek pulling. My turn first, I laughed as I encouraged him to my hamster cheeks.
Baby was feeling protective. Right away he stood up putting one of his huge hands into skinny Mohamed’s chest with his right hand clenched as a fist ready to defend me. Now, woahhhhh while this was totally unnecessary I actually found that quite sexy. I’d never seen him like that before. I knew he could fight. Cos I ALWAYS loose as we play fight wrestling stylie.

Later in the night, baby decided on many many drunken occasions to keep picking me up! At one stage, he cradled me like a baby! I knew everyone could see my knickers….
Some English guy who had joined our table raised his hand to smack my bum. Big mistake! I knew what was coming next and it felt like it happened in a heartbeat. Baby quickly put me down and showed a samurai face to this big muscle man and said, “be nice!” Which meant so much more than be nice.

Feeling more in love with my hero, while being careful not to encourage yobbishness, I hugged him in a tighter than average hug. Hugging me back he felt my chest moving as I started to get emotional.  Then I really cried. Like really cried.
Knowing what was wrong he said, ” goto the bathroom get some tissue”.

Having such an amazing time, why would I cry? Not yet, cry tomorrow. Last day tomorrow.
Opening the toilet door I revealed total vacancy. Noone. Thank god. So.
I wailed.

Less than a minute later in walked miss world. Tight white dress, no lumpy bits, back combed hair (the higher it is the closer it gets to heaven),  eyelashes longer than my fringe and just gorgeous. She was gorgeous.

“Awee sweetheart” she just came straight over and cuddled me. Never seen this lady before. God bless her.
“I’m ok I’m ok. I just gotta go home soon and it’s so hard at home, isn’t it?! And my fella lives out here.
And he’s so perfect.
And I love him so much.
And how do I live without him <more wailing>?”

She took my tissue out my hand.
“Come here, you’ve got black all round your eyes. ” she dabbed away the black.
Giving me no feedback on what I’d said, which wouldn’t have been helpful, I realised she was doing that thing I try to teach men. Sometimes, girls hug and squeeze each other And say, “there there”. Guys hear you say,
“I’d like an answer please, what do you recommend.”

At times we need “there there”.
Miss world was an angel sent from heaven.
“Look, look in here…..I’ve got everything,” she said opening up her bag, “what do you need?”

“Oh. Have you got lipstick?” I asked blondely. As she applied my lipstick I asked, “where are you from? Don’t tell me Essex?”

“No, near Brighton”
Ahhh. She looked like a perfect Essex girl. So lovely.

I never got to know her name. But I loved what she did. Sweet act of kindness.
“Is best I go now, he will send out the search party for me.” And out I went back into the club. Just as baby was popping champagne…..

My drunken eyes widened as I screamed “oh!” In the direction of Ahmed who had brought the celebration drink. So we all got a glass and we all drank some.

Dance time. Smiling widely with new lipstick applied by miss world, baby took me by the hand in the direction of the dance floor. I passed miss world with a big smile And gave her a high five! She winked, knowingly.

Can’t sleep!

Tomorrow, tomorrow……….

 

Well, I fly tomorrow.  

 

That’s why I can’t sleep then, makes sense.

 

My dog snores at my feet,  my darling baby girl lets a long sigh out from next to me.

 

And I blog!

 

Love writing, I’m so lucky for such an accessable thing to be “my thing”.

 

I’m waxed,  plucked, threaded,  big nails on, roots done,  as near to perfect as I’ll ever get without more Gym visits.  Bad decision, suspending my gym membership. I’d hoped to be under 9 stone now ready to ride the sexy cowboy without worries of wobbles.  Alas,  there will be wobbles.

 

Can’t explain my feelings.  Excitement has subsided for something else.  Not sure what.  Maybe because I’m not sure right now exactly what is happening in my life.  Is baby going to come visit here? ?i will need to tidy and clear the old love letters from the top of the wardrobe.  His insane jelousy would cause a huge problem there.

Jelousy.  Can’t even spell it.

 

My writing style shows a numbness.  I feel it too.  For so long now I have known a romance of facebook messages and skype chats without all the physical stuff and seeing each others eyes properly without the glare of a computer screen reflecting in the eyes. There is bound to be some kind of apprehension.

 

Yet if this visit goes the way I have dreamed of for so many long months now, then in 30 hours I will be in total fantasy land.  He really is my fantasy that every girl dreams of.  If the jelousy gets in the way I will consciously take a moment to breathe, then smile, then reassure him that of course he has no need to be jelous.  

If only he could get inside my head for 2 minutes and see the love that I have for him.  One which would never risk what we have for a quick smile somewhere else.  He gives me the biggest smiles anyway.

 

Ohh,  been awake for nights and nights now.  I’ve another long day ahead catching up on work that I wont be doing for the next couple of weeks.  Although thanks to yesterdays generous tips I have managed to slot in for a £5 discounted file and varnish for french toenails! Bikini ready I am……..now if only I had an amazing bikini.  

 

Exercise tomorrow will firm up some bits! ……………hang on………..tomorrow????

 

TOMORROW!!!!!

 

OMFG………..

 

I’ll be seeing baby tomorrow.  I wonder if i can remember his smell…………

 

I want to post again tomorrow from the airport or event he plane,  let you all hear my screams of excitement as I cannot contain the realisation that I’m off to see the man of my dreams.

 

I’m so lucky.  Thank you world……

 

Much love guys…..(please subscribe and leave a nice comment!)

 

Lola x

Hairy Legs at the gym – people watching

Hairy legs at the Gym

 

After missing going to the gym for far too long, I decided to go in for a big big session.  Not only do I need to get this bod into shape ready for Baby to explore in great detail but I need to get the lymph system pumping enough to remove the toxins that the candida die off is releasing.

 

Candida die off can be horrible.  Yet I’ve decided to eat as I like, just take the Yeast Raiders supplement from Holland and Barret.  Currently the surface of my tongue is peeling in little holes.  Ewwww not so nice and a little bit sore.  Still, something is working as I have managed to find enough energy to get to the gym.

 

Rowing machine first, every time.  Mentally writing my blog in my head as I row,  I was watching the clock in anticipation.  Usually I love to get 10 minutes of warm up on the machine but was expecting 5 today as I felt I hadn’t been in so long.  Well, gosh, surprised myself when the 10 minutes was up and I decided to keep going another 7 minutes.

 

Energy! YESSSSSSS…….how I missed you!

 

“Sam” on the cross trainer was a total entertainment system in herself. I caught sight of her before at Weight Watchers years ago when she was telling the leader that if you use the system cleverly enough you can actually eat 5 doughnuts in a day and conform with the rules! haha.

Well, she was still as fat as ever and wearing totally inappropriate clothes for her figure.  Muffin tops? No, this was way more than that problem.

I thought for a minute she was falling off the cross trainer then realised she was ‘grooving on down’ to her iPod! Oh goodness, really??

 

Watching her more and more I was totally bemused to see that she had hands up, hands down, singing.  Conducting the music, oh goodness.  Was it admiration? Or ridicule? I knew she had the personality to match due to the doughnut eating claim…..

 

Pausing to catch my breath I looked down at my 3/4 length trousers riding up,  vacantly checking the growth on the hairs on my legs….16 more days until I get them waxed in perfect time for my trip to Egypt.  Would the growth be adequate?  Hmm, hoping so,  they tend to be ok, be ok, be ok, be ok then whooosssshhhh…………off they GROW and it’s please please please can my waxing appointment arrive!

 

Chatting to my nameless friend who works at the gym as I was leaving, I said:

“That girl is certainly enjoying her music on the cross trainer isn’t she!”

“Oh Sam! Oh god yeah, she’s disgusting!” She exclaimed.

“Well, i remember her from Weight Watchers……” I continued to explain about the doughnuts, “…….and I know she’s here all the time, yet she’s as fat as ever!”

“And her mouth is vile too! I heard her telling all the others who were talking to her who always say ‘oh sam you’re so funny’ about the cucumber her husband stuck up her arse then how she chopped it up and put it in her mother in law’s salad!!!”

 

I didn’t know to see admiration or disgust! Either way, I hope it made you smile?

 

Love always

 

Lola xxx

Lola Scrambled Egg Brain….

Feeling like my brain has just turned to Scrambled Egg…..

 

What’s up with me? Well, everything is everywhere, I was really hoping to plough on with writing my latest book today but can’t settle.

 

You ever had that? When you can’t settle? I’ve been round all the coffee shops trying to settle and they are all too busy on a Saturday for me to sit at my PC.

 

The expert in me would say, meditate.  Yet I think more,  recognise

 

I’m recognising that I work well on deadlines.  If I have lots to do and a time to fit it in, I will go hell for leather to make it happen.  If it’s an open ended thing I drag my heels a bit.

 

So, I’m hoping to build a new website,  to promote my new book,  write my current book, re brand myself and promote my coaching services. 

 

Why oh why can’t I?

 

I’m thinking of a land far away, with blue clear waters and red fireball skies.  My gorgeous baby is waiting impatiently for me to get there.  We spend all this time on the internet chatting (thank God for the internet) and yet what we really need is to lay together, gazing into each others dark brown eyes and just be ‘in love’…….

 

11 more nights until I jet off. I’m so excited and very unsettled.  Will he be flying back with me to this country?  Will he never come? Will we get married soon?  Have a baby?  I guess work is coming slowly as I have no idea what I should be thinking.  If he comes,  he will help with the finances.  If he doesn’t,  I need to be my brilliant self and helping the businesses enough that they reward me generously and I can “pop over to Egypt for a long weekend”…….without a blink!

 

Sigh.  Thanks for listening…….much love from 

 

Lola, Scrambled Egg head. xx