I’m going to be totally honest here!

This takes guts and bravery to tell you this…..

 

I’m actually ever so slightly stuck between a rock and a hard place right now.  You see,  my life has transformed like crazily and I love that I can share this with others for them to be able to learn what I have learnt too.  I love blogging and Vlogging (don’t autocorrect that please!) and I’m so keen to make this life online my entire life.  I vlog all the time but didn’t post it yet. 

 

Fear of ridicule.

 

I hear my authors suffer from this and it stops them from opening up.  I have come from a place where I thought life was meant to be tough and tricky.  Never in a million years did I feel I would go ahead and be able to write for a living.  Oh gosh,  course not.  That’s not work is it!

 

?????????????????????

Is it??????????????????

Could it be????????????

 

Well, yes it could couldn’t it! Of course it could.  Why not?  Others do it!  Why do I have a blocked limiting belief around this one.  So much so that I actually don’t write as much as I feel I should/could/ought to.

Write, dammit, just write.  See what happens.

 

Today I have written myself a timetable of work.  This carefully shows the times and places I write and the times and places I do the day job to earn the cash.  I guess its a bit like budgeting with money…. make a plan and stick to it and the world is your oyster.

 

My gorgeous fiance has agreed that we can publish our story.  Now you see for me,  this would involve us making vlogs for Youtube and stuff too.  Although I’ve a feeling there already is an audience there for us.  

My day job involves me being a businesswoman.  Now I’m blonde…..and being totally gooey and in love and thinking the world of my family just makes me look like a hippy not a business woman.

 

I’d rather be a hippy! Of course I would.

 

Hmm……. why do I stumble?  Purely because of making money.  Also judgement.  I don’t want others to judge me either.  

 

I wanna let you guys in..  Well,  you guys are…..

 

Anyway,  can you do me a favour?  Can you come over to my twitter and my facebook and let’s be friends.  Can we? 

 

Twitter for Lola

Facebook for Lola

 

 

 

I’d forgotten to keep singing

 

This blog…..

 

Quite honestly,  I feel moved to tears.  Something has gone on and I really hope you ‘get it’.

Have you ever been on a spiritual journey? A path?  An awakening?  A shift?

 

I’ve known for 3 years now that my life has taken new pathways leading to different directions causing a myriad of feelings and emotions along the way.  Funny thing is,  sometimes you can try too hard.  This in turn makes you want something so badly that you wouldn’t be one bit shocked to see it manifest.

Now,  when you forget about this stuff and then it takes its own pathway, basically that is asking for a big shock to come your way.  For me personally,  this has happened like a big hammer over my head lately.

 

Since I was a child I’ve written.  My life is writing.  I love it!

 

Problem approaching:  I’ve a big time limiting belief which comes from hard working parents.  In my own headspace,  I created the illusion that people like us needed to work silly hours each day,  likely on a minimum wage and hope and prey with fingers crossed that we might pay the mortgage.

This educated me somewhere into the land of workaholic-ism.  

Two good things about this:

1.  I’ve learnt so much on the path that I’ve now got some awesome stories to write and 

2.  Doing what I’m kinda not meant to be doing has shown me how great it is when I do do what I should be doing…..phew…keeping up?

 

Look back at the blog title.  I’d forgotten to keep singing.

 

I used to sing.

Constantly.

Anywhere,  anyhow.  

Don’t get me wrong,  there’s no X Factor finalist in me here.  Holding a note is somewhat easy if I stop trying too hard.  Singing and dancing is like a legal and safe drug to me.  Though recently I noticed I’d stopped doing both.

In actual fact,  I’d stopped doing pretty much everything.  What was fuelling my flame right now?  Pretty much nothing….I was coasting…. that was it.

No wonder I was feeling pretty low.  So ok,  what flipped that realisation for me?  I was watching Pitch Perfect with my perfect daughter…..if you haven’t seen a feel good movie lately,  I’d highly recommend this.

Through the power of song,  they told so many stories throughout the film and every note being hit with ease and power (unless it was designed not to) filled up my goo-ss-ee-bumps with goosebumps.

The finale told a real story that you may or may not have caught onto at the beginning of the film which involved a song (no spoilers coming, promise) which struck gold.  Within the emotions of the actors and the flow of passionate energy during the performance of both dance and song I felt tears.  Proper tears.  This was me.  I was always on stage.  Always performing somehow,  somewhere,  not fantastically but filling my veins with spark and passion and life.

Writing this now with emotion, I feel the tears.

 

I’d forgotten to keep singing.  

 

Why?

 

People,  some people.  There have been times when,  hypothetically speaking, people have said, “Stop singing.”

 

That’s hurt me to the core.

So I stopped.

 

What now?  What happened is pretty much what happens to a wilted flower.  I’ve been worrying about things like

Not being liked

Paying the bills

Keeping my business afloat

Ensuring I’m a good enough mum

Looking for perfection in those around me

 

All the time feeling disappointed.  Why was I worrying about all that stuff?  I never used to.  I was happy and spirited.  Without any money or flash things.

Why was I happy?

 

Because I sang………….

 

Affirmation:

I sing with joy and pleasure to fill me up with life.

 

What fills your veins with passion and life?

 

Do your ‘thing’ then all the other stuff comes easier.  With me realising I need to sing again  (and singing at every opportunity right now) there has been a flow of ease into my life leading me onto my dreams coming true.

Things you might not know about me….

aud

Hello there!!!

Welcome to my first blog post on WordPress! What a fantastic site :o)

I’ve lots and lots to say and thank you for coming over to be part of it.  As my tag line states,  my ‘ramblings’ are all about my own colourful thoughts and feelings.  I’m encouraging of positivity here and joy and love and smiles :o)

Let’s go on a wild journey together – why am I here?

Well,  I think I have a really interesting life.  People who know me in my everyday life seem to think I live an amazing life so I have decided to blog it!  I’ve so many subjects and so many thoughts pass through my crowded brain every day thinking, “I’d love to write that on my blog.”

Folks, I really want to open up here and not be subject to criticism  which according to spell check I can’t even spell!! HAHA so please go with the flow with me.  I want to tell you EVERYTHING,  no holds barred.

And watch for the LOLA Smiles book…….it’s coming……not all that soon as I’m working on 2 others as we speak.  Meanwhile….HELLO! Here’s some facts about me to get you started……..

please……….enjoy……

I am a woman!

I LOVE nature walks

I’m passionate about writing……I’m an author (yes, published tee hee)

I’m a dog lover (if only we could all love unconditionally)

My other job is a hair stylist (I’ve a few fans who say I’m fab! – Thanks guys)

Rainbows make me go all gooey

Pepsi max is my favourite drink in the world (hmm, debatable…)

I’m a cold person (temperature, not heart)

I’m not scared of flying,  I am scared of moths

I drive a VW, and will only ever drive a VW……

I live my life by the Law of Attraction (and teach it to others)

I’ve had my heart broken, but still open it up to love (thank GOD)

Currently in love with the most handsome Egyptian man (who is also in love with me thank GOD again!)

I’ve had 9 years of infertility, 12 miscarriages

Mum to fantastic twins

I’ve had IVF (did you guess that bit already?!)

Don’t like the phrase “regroup” but use it often as it makes sense!

I really LOVE some people

I’ve been bullied lots of my school life

I learnt to fight at the end of my school life :O) – that taught her!

I’m currently (right now) pondering if you can handle the news of my worst break up……maybe I’ll blog it in a few posts…it’s involving a transsexual incident

I’m a hippy

Jeggings are the best invention in my eyes

I’m a secret photographer (not takes secret photos – maybe I shouldn’t phrase it like that)

I can’t hear below 60 decibels – that’s classed as severely deaf

I have crohns disease

I have coeliac disease

I have a candida overgrowth

I eat from the Specific carbohydrate diet (takes guts!) LOL

I’m not a hopeless case,  just gotta sort myself out!

My dream is almost true now,  life is pretty fantastic!

I’m not afraid of flying, only when turbulence is bad that makes you go “oohh ehhh” along with the rest of the plane

I love Egypt……….

I’m very spiritual

I can’t dive because of my ears but I love to snorkel

I like keep fit (weights mainly)

Love swimming under water

Topped off with the jaccuzi (who doesn’t)

So, what else is there…….please ask me……I’m keen to let you know everything no holds barred……..come on over let’s chat!

Lots of love

Lola x